


not without you

by lostmemoria



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 5x19 write up, Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 12:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6116150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostmemoria/pseuds/lostmemoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>You’re not the same as him.</i>
</p>
<p>Chris’ words echo through Lydia’s mind as she drives down the empty streets of Beacon Hills in the middle of the night, leaving from the Argent workshop feeling a mixture of emotions—angry, determined, and hurt.</p>
<p>[aka, my take on what I'd like to see happen in 5x19.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	not without you

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've written anything so forgive me, I'm a lil' rusty! I hope you guys like it :)

_You’re not the same as him._

Chris’ words echo through Lydia’s mind as she drives down the empty streets of Beacon Hills in the middle of the night, leaving from the Argent workshop feeling a mixture of emotions—angry, determined, and hurt.

Angry because Gerard and Chris didn’t help Jordan in trying to figure out his powers, determined because she believes in Jordan and knows he isn’t the cause of these deaths, and hurt because hearing Chris say she isn’t the same as Jordan when she’s never felt anything _but_ the same as him. She’s never felt such a close bond with anyone else before, and it isn’t just because of the fact that she’s a banshee and he’s a hellhound and they’re both harbingers of death. That much she’s sure of after talking to the hellhound, a creature that she had no desire of talking to in the first place, because the only person she wanted to talk to, wanted to see, wanted _back_ again was Jordan.

She’s always known that their connection, their bond, was more than just supernatural. And now she’s ready to make sure he knows it too.

Lydia turns into the parking lot of his apartment complex because when she first stopped by the station to see if he was there, she found that he had already resigned, discovering his badge and resignation letter sitting at his desk. She remembered picking up his badge and holding the metal between her fingertips, the words _you’re a pretty good deputy too_ repeating in her head over and over again. Sheriff Stilinski told her that Jordan would probably be back at his apartment gathering his things together, and that if she wanted to stop him she better go quick.

And as Lydia quickly parks her car outside the apartment complex and gets out, she feels her heart beating rapidly while she hopes and prays to some deity above that she’s not too late.

Thankfully, she isn’t.

Under the glimmer of the street lights, she sees Jordan walking out of the complex and towards his car carrying a box of what she assumes to be his belongings. He’s out of uniform, dressed in dark track pants and a hoodie and Lydia’s never felt so grateful before in her life.

“Jordan!” His name leaves her lips easier this time, as if she’s been calling him that for years and before she knows it, she’s sprinting across the cold concrete towards him.

She sees him stop walking as soon as he hears her, turning to face her with an expression of confusion and surprise filling his features along with his mouth dropping open to say something. But before he can even do that, Lydia’s reaching him and instead of stopping right in front of him, she _pushes_ him, because she’s mad and her emotions are all over the place and she can’t believe he would just get up and leave her like _this._ When she pushes him, he stumbles backwards in shock while dropping the box and making everything scatter across the ground. But Lydia doesn’t pay attention to that because she’s at the brink of tears now and there’s nothing she can do to hold it back.

“You _idiot!_ ” She screams, pushing him again so that this time when he stumbles back, his back hits the interior of his car. Jordan’s looking at her with wide eyes as she corners him, and she can’t tell if he’s baffled because she came here looking for him and now that she’s here she’s crying, or because he knows she’s going to kick his ass either way.

“Lydia, I—”

She cuts him off, “No! You don’t get to talk, shut up!” And he does without even trying to argue with her, because even when she’s angry and tearing up and yelling at him, he’s still calm, he’s still the solid rock that she often associates with the inferno of her storm. And because of it, she can’t help but slam her hands against his chest, her fingers bunching up into the fabric of his jacket as she looks up at him, searching his eyes. “Do you really think you’re the cause of all this? That you’re the reason why people are dying? And were you really just going to pick up everything and _leave?_ ” Her voice breaks at the end even when she doesn’t say the words she wants to say the most: _Were you really just going to leave me?_

Jordan looks at her with sad eyes. “I’m not just a harbinger of death, Lydia….I’m the cause of it. If I stay, people are going to keep dying. And if I stay and fight the beast and I lose, everyone will die, Lydia, you—you’ll die. And I’d never be able to forgive myself for it.”

His gaze falls from her, and she already knows how ready he was to let go of everything he had established here, a home, a job, a life,  just to keep them safe. To keep _her_ safe. “Jordan...You're not the cause of it, don't say that. You've helped us so many times, you've saved us so many times, you've saved me over and over again,” she whispers, remembering how he had burst into Eichen to save her and Stiles, and then again when she was near to hypothermic because of Theo, and then just recently, how he came to Eichen not even knowing how to control his powers and yet he saved her from her own deadly scream.

“Lydia...You guys can do it without me,” he tells her soft and slow, his words breaking through her. “You guys don’t need me...You don’t need me.” And she can see how the words break through him more than they break through herself, because from all the months she’s known him she knows that all he’s ever wanted to do is help people and do his job efficiently, which is to protect and serve. But now, he can’t even do the one thing he wants to do the most without the fear of hurting the people around him and it shatters her heart.

“Shhhh, no, don’t say that,” she tells him gently, her hands finding his. The warmth of his fingers radiate off to hers and when she looks at him, it’s almost as if the air between them has gone still. “I need you Jordan, okay? _I need you._ I can’t lose someone else, not you. Please.” And as the words leave her mouth, she can’t remember the last time she’s ever felt this vulnerable in front of anyone before. Her best friend’s death left her broken in half but even then she wouldn’t let herself become helpless or defenseless to anyone, not even the pack. She wouldn’t let her walls fall down.

But with Jordan, it’s different. It always is. With him, her walls started falling down ever since she confided in him about Allison, and she didn’t fight against it. Because with Jordan, she didn’t have to worry about feeling or looking weak in front of him, or worry about him feeling sympathy or pity for her. He made her feel strong in ways that she never thought she could be.

And when Lydia says those words, she starts to feel strong in another sense too, because when she lifts her head to look at him again she finds herself closing the space between them as well. She stands on her tiptoes and slides her hands up his jacket to wrap around the back of his neck, fingers gently curling in the hair at the nape and softly pulling him down to meet her lips. He doesn’t resist.

She kisses him in a way that she’s been wanting to do ever since she met him, ever since she first checked him out, ever since she noticed there’s more to him that meets the eye, ever since she held his hand when he locked himself up, ever since she realized he was just like her. Ever since she realized that she was slowly falling for this sweet, _good_ , green eyed deputy.

It takes Jordan a second to reciprocate, but when he does, his hand comes up to caress her cheek as Lydia deepens the kiss and he lets her, all the time while melting into the feeling of his lips and the warmth of his body against hers. She’s kissed multiple boys before, but she doesn’t think she’s ever kissed anyone so desperately, so passionately before until now, that when they finally pull up for air, their noses brushing and their foreheads touching, she feels giddy and lightheaded in the best way possible.

Jordan brushes her stray tears away with the pad of his thumb, the soft gesture sending a tingle down her spine as she meets his eyes again, not even bothering to move away from him and instead finding comfort in his touch. He cradles her face lovingly and whispers her name, but Lydia shakes her head before he can say anything else. “Jordan, please. I don’t want to do this without you.”

Her words make him sigh, “But you can, Lyds. I know you can.”

The nickname makes her heart beat faster, but it wasn’t the question of whether she can or she can’t do this anymore, because she already knows she can. “I know, but I don’t want to do it alone. So, please, don’t make me.”

A beat passes between them after she says those words and it’s only then does he finally nod slowly before leaning in to kiss her forehead. “I won’t,” he whispers as his arms come up to wrap around her protectively. “And I won’t leave again. I promise.”

“I know,” she whispers back, a small smile forming on her lips as she lays her head on his chest, feeling reassurance in his arms and peace in the steady beating of his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://lydiasdeputy.tumblr.com)


End file.
